A Day in the Life
By Lyonel Doherty
What is your name, kid?
“Tistan.” (He can’t pronounce the “r” so that is how it comes out.)
Trystan, what do you want to be when you grow up?
[staring silence]
Okay, let me rephrase that. What career choice is at the top of your list?
[more staring silence]
Sigh, okay . . . if you were an adult, what is the first thing you would do?
[deafening silence . . . come on, man, I’m only two years old; give me a Blippi break!]
Mmmm . . . if your entire house was made of chocolate, what would you eat first? [Now you’re talking] “Yup, the candies.”
One can almost picture this little guy’s eyes light up upon seeing a pure chocolate table, a chocolate fridge (with chocolate in it), and a chocolate TV remote (the perfect size for eating). But Trystan is a realist and would soon discover that too much of a good thing is actually a bad thing. Darn, why does life have to be so complicated? Well, it’s about to get a whole lot more confusing with the Pioneer’s pointed questions a’la Macaulay Culkin drilling John Candy in the movie ‘Uncle Buck’.
“Confirm your age.”
“Two . . . five . . . haha, two.”
“What’s your occupation?”
[pause] “Don’t know.”
“Any brothers or sisters?”
“Merryn.”
“What do you like about being a toddler?”
“Like to play on the bed.”
“What don’t you like?”
[shrugs shoulders] “Don’t know.”
“What do you do at daycare?”
“Play with Wyatt.”
“What is your favourite food?”
“Cookies! They’re tasty! (Two days ago he said pretzels . . he’s a fickle guy.)
“What is your favourite toy?”
“Seesaw (my chainsaw).”
“What’s your favourite TV show?”
“Bluey!”
Okay, enough silly questions; time to get down to brass tacks. (What are those? Never mind.)
We need a day-in-the-life synopsis here . . . with hard and fast details.
Trystan has to confer with his mom (Kelsey) because this sounds serious.
“On weekdays I wake up at 6:15 a.m. (Ya, that’s early but I have no say in the matter.)
My sister comes in to cuddle and mom reads us a couple of books. We get up at 6 a.m. (wait a minute, you said 6:15 . . . close enough) and have breakfast and brush our teeth. I then play with my sister. Sometimes I make her mad. Sometimes she makes me mad. Usually we play nice. I then practise going in the potty (more of life’s complications). After, mom gets me dressed.
I like to play a game where I run away while she tries to dress me. (Not sure if mom likes the game when we’re in a hurry.) I help feed our dog Oggie. Mom then drives me to daycare. Sometimes I run in without giving mom a kiss goodbye. Sometimes I hug her so hard and don’t want her to go. After daycare my mom or dad picks me up. I’m always excited to see my sister Merryn in the car.
When we get home I get to pick two things from the candy bin. I remind mom a lot, in case she forgets. Then I play with my sister. We like to build things with the ‘magna tiles’ with our dad. Some evenings we play hide and seek with dad. I then help feed Oggie again. Then it’s dinner time. I love dinner time! After dinner I play a bit more. Mom or dad help brush my teeth and find my jammies (they like to play hide and seek too). Mom reads my books and we turn out the light.
Is that enough hard details for you?
“Oh, and on weekends we cook pancakes, and I get to help. We also get to go skiing (his favourite activity)!”
When asked if Trystan fights with his sister, he didn’t have time to answer because Merryn shouted, “Ya, (we fight about) toys.”
Okay, here’s an easy one: If you had one wish, what would it be?
“Goldfish!” Trystan said.” And more Goldfish.” He wasn’t referring to the fish, but to a particular cheesy snack called “Goldfish.”
Trystan’s parents are proud because he has just learned a new phrase: “Uhh, I dooo it!”
When you try to help him put his boots on, he says, “I dooo it.” When you attempt to clip him into his car seat, he blurts, “I dooo it!” Same goes for brushing his teeth and putting Ketchup on his plate.
Any more silly questions?
No, Trystan, you’ve tired everyone out, even the Pioneer.
Okay, what next!
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